{"id":319,"date":"2014-10-12T02:06:29","date_gmt":"2014-10-12T02:06:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/comfortinthestorm.com\/?p=319"},"modified":"2014-10-12T22:48:33","modified_gmt":"2014-10-12T22:48:33","slug":"when-kids-attack-how-rape-culture-desensitizes-our-youth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/comfortinthestorm.com\/?p=319","title":{"rendered":"When Kids Attack&#8230;.How Rape Culture Desensitizes Our Youth"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The term Rape Culture deals with the mentality of a group of people, institution, or society in which acts of sexual<span class=\"mceItemHidden\">\u00a0<\/span>assault and violence is normalized,\u00a0promoted, justified, downplayed, or excused due to the way gender, sex and sexuality\u00a0are viewed. This attitude or belief system as it were generally begins with the leader(s) and trickles down and permeates throughout the ranks of\u00a0their subordinates.\u00a0 Now this is not to say that everyone wholeheartedly buys in, but it is through\u00a0silent dissent that\u00a0the culture is nurtured\u00a0and evolves with minimal to no resistance.<\/p>\n<p>Last week,\u00a07 members of\u00a0<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a title=\"7 charged in Sayreville sexual assault hazing\" href=\"http:\/\/www.nj.com\/middlesex\/index.ssf\/2014\/10\/sayreville_football_players_charged_in_hazing.html#incart_related_stories\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;\">New Jersey&#8217;s\u00a0<span class=\"hiddenSpellError\">Sayreville<\/span><span class=\"mceItemHidden\">\u00a0<\/span>High School<\/span> <\/a><\/span>football team\u00a0ranging in age\u00a0between 15 and 17\u00a0were arrested for multiple counts\u00a0including aggravated sexual assault, aggravated criminal sexual contact, conspiracy to commit aggravated criminal sexual contact, criminal restraint, and hazing for engaging in an act of sexual penetration.\u00a0 The arrests came after 4 freshmen\u00a0players came\u00a0forward and reported that they had been\u00a0assaulted by\u00a0upper-classmen on the\u00a0team in a sick and\u00a0disturbing hazing ritual that involved anal penetration.\u00a0 At least one of the boys said he was\u00a0pinned down and assaulted right on the floor of what many athletes would agree is their sanctuary\u00a0&#8211; the\u00a0locker room.\u00a0 The place where the tenets of manhood are supposedly taught and character is learned became their torture chamber&#8230;.take a moment to\u00a0breathe and absorb\u00a0it.<\/p>\n<p>How does this type of thing\u00a0happen?\u00a0 Who came up with the\u00a0idea and determined that\u00a0such action and behavior\u00a0was in the least bit ok?\u00a0 How long has this\u00a0been going on and who all knew about it?\u00a0These are all questions that I asked myself and questions I imagine you are asking yourself as well.\u00a0 Without being able to talk to the players and students who attend the school now or those in past classes, I can only offer the following:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Hazing is not new.\u00a0 It is a vile ritual that has gone on for 100s of years and the extent to which victims are violated, most of us will never know.\u00a0 Those who carry out these often violent, heinous, and life threatening acts against others deem it some type of right of passage because it was done to them and so now they have the &#8220;right or privilege&#8221; of doing it to someone else.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Whomever started this brutal hazing ritual at Sayreville could have been a victim of sexual assault himself at a young age and took the hazing as an opportunity to\u00a0pass on the brutality that was done to him.\u00a0\u00a0Another possibility is that\u00a0it was started by a young man who is simply a sociopath\u00a0and had no conscience about inflicting such violence and humiliation\u00a0onto another human being.\u00a0 But how did so many other players get pulled in and offered their participation in something that many of them inherently had to know was wrong?<\/p>\n<p>The answer is rooted in what can be equated to Groupthink, and it\u00a0occurs when\u00a0group members\u00a0share a common fate resulting in\u00a0tremendous pressure toward conformity.\u00a0 In simple terms, if the person who\u00a0originated this particular ritual\u00a0was seen as the &#8220;leader&#8221; and all the other players felt he possessed an ability to affect their lives, be it on the field or off the field, they went along.\u00a0 Make no mistake however, even though some of the players may have felt pressured to conform, they DO NOT get a pass.\u00a0 They should be prosecuted and punished just like the ring-leader because at the end of the day, they made a choice and by carrying out these heinous acts, they too\u00a0have become\u00a0sex offenders!<\/p>\n<p>So how did we get to the place\u00a0where teens are\u00a0sexually assaulting others when they had to have known it was wrong?\u00a0 Aside from the obvious issue of needing to reinforce some core value concepts for our young people including\u00a0being a leader and not a follower; doing the right thing in the face of adversity, and personal accountability for\u00a0one&#8217;s actions, we also\u00a0have to stop ignoring the\u00a0issue of\u00a0Rape Culture that has become so prevalent in our society.<\/p>\n<p>Sexual violence against women,\u00a0men, boys and girls\u00a0is prevalent around the world! But somehow\u00a0we, as a human race, have become desensitized to it.\u00a0 Human trafficking and sexual exploitation\u00a0continues at alarming rates and\u00a0perpetrators have become even more brazen in their activities.\u00a0\u00a0Women, men, boys, and girls are sold like produce at\u00a0the local farmer&#8217;s market.\u00a0\u00a0There is\u00a0no regard for\u00a0a person&#8217;s right to choose who is allowed to touch them or the right to decide when\u00a0and with whom they engage in sexual\u00a0activity.\u00a0 People have become product and that product is imported and exported at ports all over the world.\u00a0 People are sold to the highest bidder on street corners, in chat rooms, by mail, in hotel rooms on Super Bowl Sunday, and in conference rooms following the meetings of some of the world&#8217;s most influential businessmen and political figures\u00a0and very few are even remotely aware, concerned, or willing to call it out and fight for the\u00a0victims.<\/p>\n<p>We are living in a\u00a0society where\u00a0women and girls can be sexually assaulted and we slut shame them if they had the audacity to\u00a0have been\u00a0sexually active prior to the assault, or if they had what others would consider too many sexual partners prior to the assault.\u00a0 We look at\u00a0what a young girl is wearing and suggest that she\u00a0was sexually abused or assaulted because she dressed too provocatively<span class=\"mceItemHidden\">\u00a0<\/span>and somehow caused her abuser\/attacker to\u00a0abandon self-control<span class=\"mceItemHidden\">\u00a0<\/span>and\u00a0develop\u00a0a case of the &#8220;can&#8217;t help its.&#8221;\u00a0 We will even say things like &#8220;she was going to have sex anyway, so it&#8217;s not that big of a deal.&#8221;\u00a0 If a man\u00a0or young boy is seen by other men\u00a0as weak, effeminate,\u00a0or even gay,\u00a0they become prey and when sexually assaulted,\u00a0they are humiliated and their sexual orientation is put on trial if they come forward.<\/p>\n<p>Where is the outrage for the victim?\u00a0 Who is calling attention to the fact that they were violated by someone who had no right to do that to them?\u00a0 Why does the abuser get a slap on the wrist for their crime, if there is any punishment at all?\u00a0 My belief is because there are so many pedophiles and sexual deviants in high places that make our laws, uphold the law and ultimately create ways to subvert the law. They literally have a secret society amongst themselves that gives one another a pass for their actions and behaviors while the rest of us are left to fend for our own safety.\u00a0 They have created a mindset that numbs folk to the tragic levels of sexual assault and violence that is so pervasive in the land.\u00a0 If we bring it full circle, it is this same numbing of society that a young man can sexually assault his teammate and feel it was simply a prank, horseplay, a stupid hazing ritual, or just silly guy stuff.<\/p>\n<p>What is going on in New Jersey is just one of many stories where sexual assault was used to control or dominate another person. \u00a0It&#8217;s an all too familiar occurrence where no value is placed on a person&#8217;s right to decide what happens to their body.\u00a0 Another case where sex is used as a weapon and not the beautiful act that God created it to be. \u00a0Therefore, parents have to start training\u00a0their children\u00a0early so they are already programmed to recognize sexual misconduct and\u00a0sexual\u00a0assault so by the time they see it for the first time, they can tell someone and not be party to a culture that normalizes, promotes, justifies or ignores it.\u00a0 Adults have to stop burying their heads in the sand and acting like these things are not going on around us and call it out when we see it.\u00a0 Later for acting as if it&#8217;s none of your business and being more concerned about appearances than the safety and well-being\u00a0of another person.\u00a0 Out with the talk of people being nice and how surprised we are that they could be\u00a0so evil,\u00a0and let&#8217;s open up the discussion about the warning signs we missed and what we need to do to be more vigilant about protecting our children and people in general from these monsters.<\/p>\n<p>The truth is&#8230;..until we, as a people, stand united on the fact that no one has the right to strip another human being of their right to choose who touches them, we\u00a0affirm that we have ACCEPTED rape and violence as just part of our culture &#8211; as just part of who we are as a human race.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The term Rape Culture deals with the mentality of a group of people, institution, or society in which acts of sexual\u00a0assault and violence is normalized,\u00a0promoted, justified, downplayed, or excused due to the way gender, sex and sexuality\u00a0are viewed. This attitude or belief system as it were generally begins with the leader(s) and trickles down and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,8,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-319","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-for-dads","category-for-moms","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/comfortinthestorm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/comfortinthestorm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/comfortinthestorm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/comfortinthestorm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/comfortinthestorm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=319"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/comfortinthestorm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":329,"href":"https:\/\/comfortinthestorm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319\/revisions\/329"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/comfortinthestorm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=319"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/comfortinthestorm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=319"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/comfortinthestorm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=319"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}