April is Child Abuse Awareness month and while we long for the day when abuse of any kind is no longer a problem in our society, we must continue to sound the alarm until it is eradicated!

I was listening to the radio today like I do on most afternoons as I wind down my work day. The topic of the day dealt with a 16 year old boy who had been engaged in a sexual relationship with a teacher. The radio personality commented that he felt the woman wasn’t in the wrong because the young man knew what he was doing and getting it on with a grown woman was more of a right of passage – a badge of honor. When asked if he would excuse an adult male for having sexual relations with a 16 year old girl, he said she too was making a conscious choice and therefore, he wouldn’t find the man at fault in such an instance either. I was appalled at his comments and even more disappointed that he would be so irresponsible as to spout such nonsense over the airwaves for predators to revile in and justify their proclivities. Not to mention the sting that survivors must have felt to hear that someone viewed their abuse as self inflicted.

The guy who made these comments refused to acknowledge the fact that a 16 year old isn’t truly capable of  understanding the complexities (emotionally, mentally, and physically) of a sexual relationship, and in many states, isn’t legally able to consent to a sexual relationship with an adult. Beyond that however, what really struck a nerve with me is the simple fact that it is exactly this type of thinking that has allowed child sexual abuse and sex trafficking of minors to continue for so long! As long as we have people like this man who mistake physical development for cognitive development, those who prey on minors will continue to feel justified in their actions. As long as we can look at a young woman at the tender age of 16 who is still learning her own body and suggest that her fully developed breasts equate to her being able to understand the gravity of a sexual relationship, we are still so far from protecting our children in the manner in which they deserve. As long as we can look at a pubescent young man who is struggling to understand the changes his body is going through almost daily and suggest that the development of muscle mass; the deepening of his voice, and a steady increase in hormone production makes it a rite of passage to lay with a grown woman, we, as a society, are responsible for the overwhelming amount of dysfunction we see in our men.

So many of us are sickened when a 4, 5, or 6 year old child is sexually abused, and we should be; however, we need to have the same outrage toward those who prey on the 14, 15, and 16 year old kids as well. We have to stop looking upon these kids as though they are asking to be victimized and place the responsibility of what is actually a crime on the adults who know better and choose to carry on these inappropriate relationships in spite of the laws that prohibit them. Teachers, clergy, family members etc who are in positions of authority are abusing their roles and luring our kids into their twisted fantasies and making them think it is love – all because these young minds aren’t developed enough to see through the lies and mental manipulation.

When we consider that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by the age of 18, we have to admit that we have a problem in our society. We see these stories all day long and will often blame the kid for being involved with an adult who knew better in the first place. We shame the girl by saying she was too provocative in her dress or flirted way too much. We call the young man mannish and say that he set out to get that first piece of tail, and getting it from an older woman was just icing on the cake. But what about the adult? Do they bear no responsibility for subverting the law? Are they not held to a standard that differentiates between right and wrong? Or, are we only willing to stand up for a child when it’s our own? Has the media desensitized us to the point that seeing a 40 year old man prey on a 14 year old girl with a D cup and a short skirt is no longer disgusting and heinous. Are we really ok with a 13 year old boy having his first sexual encounter with a 30 year old teacher who accepted the responsibility to teach him Algebra or English, and instead decided her sick needs were more important so sex ed became her lesson of choice?

We have a society full of dysfunctional relationships now because too many were violated as children and the wounds didnt heal. These kids grow up with major trust issues, they experience sexual identity crises, they are in and out of relationships and don’t understand why their relationships never seem to work. Boys become closed off men on one end of the spectrum and domineering control freaks on the other end. Girls  become women who struggle with being sexual on one end of the spectrum and chronically promiscuous on the other end. All because an adult crossed the line and introduced them to things that were designed for two consenting adults.

Bottomline….minors are minors! No amount of make up or muscles change that. These kids need our protection!