In the process of trying to deal with the effects of our child being sexually abused, we decided that we would educate ourselves and champion the cause of prevention, and try to support other families in crisis.  We even reached out to some and offered to provide free prevention courses using several trained experts.  To our dismay, we were told that these entities already had resources and internal policies in place.  This was disheartening because so many people are oblivious to how predators operate; so much so, that we often miss the behavior among those in our inner circle.

After all, how is it that grandfathers, aunts and uncles, sister and brothers, and fathers molest their own family members for years and no one is any the wiser?  Moreover, if we told you that there are reported cases of a grandfather molesting his grandchild while riding in the backseat of the car driven by the child’s parents, would that surprise you?  How about if we told you that a father felt he was being taunted sexually because his 2 year old daughter had the audacity to run around the house in her diaper?  Would that cause you to stop and consider who is engaging your children and rethink who is allowed in your child’s space?

Bottom Line…there is more to educating teachers, clergy, and day care providers than just discussing “the basics.”  Predators are crafty and well educated themselves.  Remember, when the angels of the Lord came, Satan came also!

We have seen story after story about predators in the place that is supposed to our place of restoration and refuge -THE CHURCH. Truth is, the child molester has found sanctuary in the church because church goers want so desperately to believe that everyone who attends church is good, or at the very least has some redemptive quality within them. Afterall, to a great extent, we need to believe that to help us feel better about our own shortcomings and sin.  But, this mindset couldnt be farther from the truth! Predators have learned that parents are often easily fooled by those who know how to use church lingo, exhibit acceptable church ettiquete, and show what appears on the surface to be a genuine interest in our little Johnny or Sarah.

As parents, we have stay on guard and not be fooled by the “nice public behavior.”  These monsters are skillful and know exactly what to say, how to say it, and when to say it, because their entire existence is about their next conquest. We can’t be blinded by our faith to the extent that we place more trust in someone else’s flesh than we do in our own.  Think about it….we flee certain situations because we know they aren’t good for us and the temptation might too much to handle if we lingered too long. The same can be said about a child molester; give them too much access and they will strike. And when they do, you won’t even see it because you’re too busy admiring the way they pray, how they seem to love the Lord, or what a nice person they are. Question is…..who acts like a complete jerk and expects to be welcomed with open arms? No one….thus, the child molester is generally going to be pleasant to you and your child. We must be on guard…even more so in places where predators like to hide in plain sight – this includes the church!

I am not advocating paranoia, nor am I suggesting that we go around accusing folks in the church of being child molesters. I am merely challenging parents to consider who has access to your children and under what circumstances…even in the church. Remember, when the angels of the Lord came, Satan came also!

The guilty verdict for Jerry Sandusky is a great victory for those who have experienced child sexual abuse. Likewise, there is also a HUGE lesson to be learned by this case and many others. Public behavior is not indicative of private behavior. Thus, we as parents, must be watchful and discerning of adults with whom our children interact. Trust is earned, NOT given. Never make the mistake of assuming that teachers, coaches, doctors, neighbors, or even family members are trustworthy by the mere virtue of their profession, demeanor, or familial status. Predators thrive on the naïveté of unsuspecting parents who unknowingly go through life giving their children the proverbial thumbs up to any adult who shows interest in their child under the guise of being nice, concerned, or wanting to help them in some way; professionally or otherwise. Children take these cues and assume that these predators are accepted by the parents and by extension, assume that parents are aware of or ok with abusive behavior that is introduced because the predators have been given access to their space. Be careful not to send confusing or unintentional messages to your child….they need to know that no one is permitted to do ANYTHING that hurts them or makes them uncomfortable…NO ONE! You must reinforce that family friends, professionals such as teachers, coaches, day care workers, and family members should be told on immediately if they say or do anything that causes the slightest bit of uncomfortableness. Grooming generally starts way before the first act of abuse occurs, so be on guard and listen to what your child says, or in some cases, doesn’t say about people (incl older kids like neighbors, cousins, and siblings) with whom they interact with. You just may prevent your child from being the victim of a monster in lamb’s clothing like Jerry Sandusky!

Hello! I am Taylor Butler, the child on which this site is based. I am here to answer any questions you may have, whether you are a victim or parent of a victim. Don’t be ashamed, and don’t be afraid! we are here to help heal, not hurt. I am a survivor! You can be too!

With Love and Support,
Taylor Butler